Assignment

Picture Journal – Homework Assignment -
Show me with your pictures where your at, how are you feeling.



My first thought about this assignment is I should just show you my external hard drive. I bought a cheap little (compact) camera and captured the first three months of my first blood born Grandsons life (Priceless). I bought a HP digital camera before I left for Wrightsville the last time. I took a lot of pictures, and I do mean a lot... I drove my friend Karen nuts taking pictures of a complete Sunset going through Indiana. I rode with her as far as just N. of Milledgeville, Georgia. I took around 1000 pictures before we got to the hotel in Milledgeville, and ended up with a ton of great memories.
Watching my grandchildren grow on film has been fun. Not being able to see them anymore will take a toll.


I did what I needed to do, and the grandkids Mom will see it one day, as I put it firmly in God’s hands. Just as I have been critical of my reactions, and knowing in the past I may have thought irrationally while undergoing extreme stress, I know the decisions I have made in the past few years are the ones I needed to make. Including my: Journey to Self.


She will too, one day, she will be considering her children’s lives and the impact she has made, just like I am. Will she regret her decisions? Maybe that’s where I get stuck… yes I regret some of them. Yes I did the best I could with the skill set I had. I just wish I could share some of those same skills with her. She has issues from her own childhood. I had to seek help to get past mine. Enrolling my kids in Head Start, I took an active role. I joined the parent’s council; I worked with the kids in their classroom, learned to whisper when you want your child’s attention (it works). Did fundraising so my kids got the best there was and I could say Thanks for teaching me how to be a Mom. Although I did a decent job of the first 4 years the stress levels of 2 years in an abusive relationship had created a stressed out Mom who was expecting her second illegitimate (my Dads issue) child. Seeking help was the right choice.


Balance *(Does anyone besides me see the face?)
*Garden of the Gods
Colorado Springs, CO

For me to extend anymore help in her direction or my sons direction is tantamount to rescue /ing I promised myself not to do that. I need to stay focused on my future and wading through this disorder.
Or can I afford not to try?


Tough Love? I think it’s tougher on the parents than the child.
I would rather spend my time nowadays sheltered within my apartment. Here I don’t have to interact, but I’m lonely and want to let go of some of the heaviness. Taking pictures allows me to not think about what I can’t fix.
I don’t feel so lonely when nature speaks to me and I can capture it and bring it home.
I just wish I could afford to print some. Ironically I can't lock myself away if I want to take more....